I dreamed last night I was falling in love
With a dark haired
Frail
Big eyed
Girl
Her eyes spoke nothing
And her heart held me at a distance
But we kissed on a bed
Surrounding us with friends
We kissed nice
Sweet
Hard
Full
We kissed till the doors closed
Till she said to me I’m just not sure
I’m sorry I don’t call. Sorry I snuck down the stairs and out to the mouth of a boy who will never know my name. I’m sorry I ruined your carpet with a backdraft of whiskey. I’m sorry I told our secrets. Sorry I put them in a book. Sorry I didn’t tell you about it. I’m sorry for the freckles and the switches and the mean boys in grade school. […] My neck is curving into an ampersand. I’m sorry we can’t talk about it. I sorry we can’t talk. Sorry the world kicked you so hard. Sorry all I can do is worry what happens next. Sorry I wrote the poems. Sorry I stopped calling. Sorry I don’t visit. Sorry you never wanted me. I can’t be fixed. We can’t laugh. I’m sorry I don’t need you like other girls. There’s so much decay in these bones. There are no grandchildren. Sorry I failed. Sorry I am alone. I’m sorry alone is easier than talking to you. I’m sorry it comes like this. Flood and undertow. Sorry I can’t sit comfortably in the same room. That I twitch like a startled moth. Sorry I came out hard and sharp and full of claws. Ruined your body. Only learned the wrong things. I’m sorry you’re so far. Sorry I have no intention of coming to find you.
I’m sorry I don’t call.
"Hang up the chick habit, hang it up
Ain’t it funny, how ya feel when you find out it’s real.
These photographs are killers. I never put up much of a fight.
This air brings so much remembrance.
